When I was much younger, I thought confidence was something that you had or you didn’t. Some people had it-way too much of it even-and some people did not. It seemed to go with popularity. And money. If you had both, you could afford to be confident. And if you didn’t, you had to work harder!

Now it seems like an internal job. It has to do with how I think about myself and feel on the inside, rather than how things look on the outside. When we’re young, we rely on those around us for validation and our self-esteem. As adults, that job shifts to ourselves. For me personally, the road to confidence has been long and slow. I’m more confident now than I was in my 20s. But it took a lot of mistakes and continuing to show up when I was afraid and didn’t know how things would turn out. It took a lot of self-examination and knowing what is truly important to me and what isn’t. It’s me measuring myself against myself.

There’s an interesting article on Pyschology Today about confidence and how it is our perception of others’ perceptions of ourselves. It’s how we think other people see us. If someone doesn’t have an accurate perception of things, this seems like a slippery slope! But the article does make sense. As humans, it was beneficial, from an evolutionary point of view, to fit in. By gauging how others see us, we continue to try and fit in.

The article explains ways to actually boost our confidence, including comparing ourselves accurately (Instagram, I see you), comparing our current selves to where we were in the past, and acting (not just thinking about acting).

A word about affirmations-and do they work? Yes, there’s evidence showing they do but if there is a huge gap between where we are currently and our affirmation it may make people feel worse. So a re-framing of the affirmation may help, depending on the person.

I like affirmations. I think they’re a tool to help us on our way to confidence. I’ve used them a lot in the past, and still use them today. That, combined with goal-setting, taking specific actions, and self-reflection make the best confidence combo for me.

What are your thoughts on confidence? I’d love to hear from you! And if you like what I write, please subscribe. Thanks. 🙂