“Describe a phase in life that was difficult to say goodbye to”

I’m middle-aged, so I’ve been through quite a few life phases.

Some were not so hard to let go of… teenage years (goodbye and good riddance).

My partying, early twenties…

My thirties…

I feel like I hit my stride during my 40s but had some setbacks too…

The most difficult phase that was hardest to say goodbye to was the “having my kids at home with me” phase. I came to the empty-nest phase which, to be fair, I imposed prematurely on myself.

I had finally divorced my husband (we had been separated many years), and I had to downsize and sell our house. Little did I know that it would sell the week I put it on the market. But I knew I wouldn’t be able to afford it on my own while I was still in nursing school. I had no idea how much house prices would change, but that’s another story! My son was away at college at the time. I was getting ready to move into a small apartment with my boyfriend. And I told my young adult daughter that I wanted her to live with someone else. I love my kids more than anything. Without getting into too many details, at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do.

Did I do the right thing?

This is something that I’ve asked myself many times. It’s something I’ve asked God many times. I’ve talked with family and close friends. I’ve talked to my daughter about it, who thinks that she made huge progress during that period in her life.

I was so busy at the time, I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I was working full-time, going to school, and struggling with some personal issues. My daughter was going through a lot as well. She moved in with her grandparents. COVID hit. There were so many changes. My kids were about 40 minutes away from me. They were in their early twenties by then. I’d still see them a couple times a week. We would meet up outside and have picnics. We met for ice cream a lot. We talked on discord and the phone and played video games together. Eventually we’d have visits with each other wearing masks- we especially didn’t want their grandparents getting COVID. I’d pick my daughter up and give her a ride to or from work. Or I’d stop and see her there. We had so many Dunkin runs I couldn’t even count them. Finally, slowly, the pandemic seemed to wind down. We got back to a normal that wasn’t like the old one, but it was normal none the less. The new normal.

I’m still close with my kids.

They live about a half hour away, and I see them to hang out on the weekends. Right now I’m watching Jujutsu Kaisen with my son, and working on creating a board game with my daughter.

It’s been nearly eight years since I downsized. There are a lot of things I love about the empty-nest phase, but I think there is some complicated grief surrounding mine. Complicated grief is when something sticks with you for too long. Like when you lose someone and can’t bounce back, even if it’s been a few years. So it’s something I’m working on.

But yeah, that phase was hard to let go of!

How about you? What phase was hard for you to let go of?